


Heavy

by Beankiller1997



Category: Stardew Valley
Genre: Anxiety, Leah is a good friend, Other, Spencer and Leah are mlm wlw solidarity, Spencer might have depression, Suicidal Tendencies, having a great magical destiny might be a factor too, spencer just needs a break, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beankiller1997/pseuds/Beankiller1997
Summary: It's not rare Spencer gets this heavy feeling. Sometimes he wishes he could just go awayRated M for Suicidal Tendencies.
Relationships: Platonic Love - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> Once again this fic describes suicidal tendencies. If you are uncomfortable please click away.

It was a feeling that Farmer Spencer was all too familiar with. A heavy, sinking feeling that burdened his mind. Every step felt like it took the greatest effort. He experienced it all the time while working for Jojacorp as one of their top accountants. Those grey, lifeless walls made the feeling all the more suffocating. Spencer can’t even see that color without traces of those feelings trying to creep back into his mind. 

He didn’t work for Joja anymore, though, so why was it that he frequently found himself plagued with this feeling of heaviness. He left his job, all without saying a word. None to his ‘Friends’, his coworkers, he didn’t even tell his family where he went until a year after moving to the valley. 

He wanted to disappear then, so he did. 

Everything was perfect. He had real, true friends, not just some of Jojas cronies who only had the same three conversations with one another daily. He was in his first real relationship in years. The farm was a great success. 

So why did he want to disappear now? 

Spencer stared out into the fields, wooden block in one hand, and a carving knife in another. It felt like he just sat there for hours, doing nothing. Suddenly, he stood up, discarding the wooden block into the wood pile, and he walked. 

\--- 

That brisk, autumn day quickly turned to nightfall, but Spencer kept walking. He had no intention of stopping. All he wanted to do was to keep walking. He wanted to walk to the end to the valley, the end of the Ferngull Repulblic. Hell he wanted to walk off the face of the Earth!! 

“Spencer?” 

Spencer paused. He turned around, seeing a familiar red-headed woman. 

“You’re out late. Couldn’t sleep?” 

Spencer didn’t say anything. Instead the feeling just got heavier. 

Leahs face furrowed in concern, “Spencer?” 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He fell to his knees and cried. 

“Oh god,” Leah rushed over to him, falling to the ground beside him, “What happened? Are you okay?” 

Spencers body was trembling violently. He tried to speak but no words came out. 

Leah didn’t push it. Instead she sat down in the grass, leaving a hand on the farmers back as he cried. 

\--- 

Leah lead Spencer back to the farmhouse once he settled down enough. Spencer was seated at his kitchen table as Leah heated a kettle of water on the old stove. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, no, don’t be,” Leah sat down beside him, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“What’s there to talk about?” He shook his head, “I just get these stupid feelings, and it just ruins the rest of my day.” 

“How long have you felt like this?” 

“I don’t know,” He shrugged, “A few years maybe?” He laughed dryly, “It’s weird, you know? I’ll be content with life one moment, and then the next...” He stopped. 

Leah tilted her head, as a sign to let him know she was listening. 

“Sometimes I wish I wasn’t around. Not in a suicidal way, but, just,” he threw his arms up, “Just want to run away, or just disappear. Better yet just not exist at all. Never being born, never coming down here.” 

“Spencer...” Leah put a hand on his, “I’m so sorry.” 

Spencer shook his head, “It’s not your fault. It’s just something I need to deal with.” 

“But you don’t have to do it alone,” Leah squeezed, “Spencer, you are my best friend. If you ever, ever feel like this, you know you can come see me.” 

“I don’t want to burden you with my problems.” 

“You don’t have to. Hell, Spencer, we could just hang out or go for a walk or something. Even if all you want is company, I’ll be more than happy to help you.” 

Spencer squeezed back, “I don’t know what to say. Thank you?” 

Leah stood up and hugged him, “For what it's worth, the valley has become so much brighter with you here.” 

Spencer hugged back. 

The kettle started to whistle. Leah turned around and turned off the stove, “Does that old tv work?” 

“Yes.” 

“Wanna turn it on and I’ll get some popcorn ready?” She smiled and held up a bottle of popcorn kernels. 

Spencer smiled, “Sure. That would be great.”


End file.
